Better to Have Never Been Born

Have you ever breathed out so hard that you hoped the next breath didn’t come in? Over a span of nearly 5 years on multiple occasions I remember tears filling my hands and praying “Lord, you’re all I have but don’t want this pain anymore, let me breathe out as hard as I can and for it to be my last. But if another breath fills my lungs, I will praise you with it”.

Out….
Hold….
Gasp...
Praise.

I am blessed to have never considered harming myself nor have I suffered from chronic depression with an unknown cause, but I have suffered acute depression with a known cause that invaded nearly every moment for five years. One may think that would give person a relief knowing why they hurt but honestly it only frustrated me with myself because I could not be released of it. I asked for healing, had others pray for it, and sought counseling yet this pain was still there. So, all that frustration of not healing became self-directed as “your just a messed up person Troy”. I felt hopeless, and that it would never pass. I still don’t understand this but then one day in a miraculous moment of prayer with a close friend I FELT IT LIFT! 

Why do I share this personal story with you? It is not to tell you that, “just pray and it will go away.” No doubt the Lord may do that for you, or He may permit it to stay with you for years as He did with me. But I want you to know is, “you are not alone, and Jesus cries each tear with you”.

I have multiple non-Christian & Christian friends who call me or come by my home telling me of how they want the pain to end in their life and some are haunted by dark thoughts of taking their own life. I think of Job a righteous man who cursed the day he was born, wished it was blotted out and his birth was never known. I think of David a man after God’s own heart saying “I am worn out from my groaning”. I think of Jesus weeping. So, hear this my loved friend,

you are not alone. 

I urge you to bring your attention to the truth brought out in Hebrews 5:7-10, & 7:25. Focus on how Jesus offered prayers and cries to God while on Earth and currently sits at the right side of His Father offering our cries to His Father as an interceding high priest, “Jesus cries each tear with you”.

7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. 8 Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. 9 And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him, 10 being designated by God a high priest after the order of Melchizedek. -Hebrews 5:7-10, ESV

Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them. -Hebrews 7:25, ESV

Be a Walking Sermon

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have in Jesus. But do this with gentleness and respect.” -1 Peter 3:15

I have heard ministers and others remind us to be a walking sermon. That was a great reminder that people were paying attention to my behavior. Perhaps you have heard some say, you may be the only Bible people will read or look at. That can be a little scary but is also an awesome responsibility. Let it be a strong reminder for us to examine our lives and be mindful of how we portray ourselves to others. I am not saying to portray something we aren’t, but to be genuine and ask God to help us to be the kind of person that can live our life to glorify Him.

If you grumble and complain at work or at school, and people know you consider yourself a Christian, do you think they will get to know Jesus any better by being around you? They probably won’t because you aren’t showing them a life that is desirable. On the other hand, if you are a person who is learning to see the glass as half full, to show genuine concern for others, and to avoid judging them, people may want to figure out what you and God are all about. Your living example can speak volumes. Be genuine and caring. Be infectious with your peace. Be trustworthy.

I am not a person that will knock on doors or walk up to strangers and start to witness, but in our everyday lives we talk to friends and people we may be around that we can portray Jesus to. It is comforting to be able to have scripture like 1 Peter 3:15 that relate to the circumstances we are talking about. What is one respectful way you can display your faith today? We don’t need to point out someone’s faults, but rather show concern and genuinely try to uplift them.

God, may my hope in You guide my decisions today. Help me to be gentle and respectful in all my relationships so others will be drawn to you. Help me to have a stronger burden for those in need of your touch. Amen.

A Tough Mind & A Tender Heart

When Jesus speaks, we ought to listen, especially when He is commending or correcting specific things in the lives of His followers. The Book of Revelation gives us some special insight into what Jesus really values in a church. In Revelation chapters 2-3 Jesus has messages for 7 specific churches. In these messages Jesus corrects and commends the churches. If we will pay careful attention, it shows us as His followers what Jesus values. Let’s take a closer look at the message given to the church in Ephesus from Revelation 2:1-7.

Jesus commends the Church in Ephesus for having a tough mind. They were the kind of church that had some grit to them. They had endured hardship, and not been swayed by false teaching. They had a handle on the truth and were willing to see it through to the end. Jesus told them,

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. -Revelation 2:2, ESV

Jesus also had a word of correction for the Church in Ephesus. Their hearts had become hard. Through the toil and trouble, the tenderness of their walk with Jesus had been lost. They needed to repent and renew the love that they once had. Jesus told them,

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. -Revelation 2:4, ESV

There is indeed a balance in our Christian walk. We need to be both tough-minded and tender-hearted. Are you struggling with one of those today? Has your mind become weak? Is it hard to persevere? Have you lost sight of the truth? Or perhaps has your heart become hard? Have you become apathetic or lost a love you once had? As His follower, Jesus wants both your mind and heart to be in the right place. He wants you to hold to the truth without wavering while freely dispensing grace. He wants you to think critically and love unconditionally. He wants you to have a tough mind and a tender heart.

15 Years

A few weeks ago I celebrated 15 years of being a butcher. In that timespan I have worked in three different shops. Starting out just wrapping meat to now doing everything start to finish. I owe all of that to Richard Rumsey. He took a 17-year-old kid and put a knife in his hand and said, “Meat can’t cut itself!” We would talk every day after I left Kroger, from the most ridiculous of things to music, which was mainly what we talked about, and also the things that matter! He quickly became my other dad, which earned him the name “Pop.”

Then one day last year I got a phone call from his ex-wife during church that he had passed away. I lost it outside the church. A wave of emotions fell over me! I thought, “I wish could have just talked to him one more time or something!” Once I gathered myself, I got in the truck and turned on the radio and Jim Croce was playing. The song was “Tomorrows Gonna Be a Brighter Day.”

I guess that’s true for all of us even in the darkest of times where it may seem like we can’t go on. Tomorrow is always gonna be a brighter day if we have Christ at the forefront of our lives! I know that Rumsey was a believer in Christ and one day I’ll see him again and it will be just like old times, but until that time I’ll just keep waiting and carrying on the tradition and art of being a butcher. After all “meat can’t cut itself!”

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. -Proverbs 27:9, NIV